Bon Iver must have known I would wear his workshirts to bed while he was away. He left me gifts in the breast pocket of each - a tiny shell, a dried flower, a pinecone.
THE WATER TOWER CANNOT BE SILENCED
This Monday, around 9:30 AM, a Water Tower staffer reported that our stand in Waterman was missing. This was a stand handcrafted by earlier Water Tower writers, constructed of the finest plywood, painted, weirdly, blue, and well-loved by generations of WT readers.
Our issue this week sheds light on the death of the Band’s vocalist and drummer, Levon Helm. It is clear that HOODLUMS, likely the same who stole the Cynic‘spapers early in the week, wish to silence our newsmag. The Burlington Free Press reported that incident, but curiously not this one. Interesting. Perhaps the so-called Free Press is not so “free” after all. Perhaps they are under the control of some external force.
In fact, the Water Tower has uncovered disturbing evidence that Tim Johnson, author of the Free Press’s article about the Cynic was ALIVE throughout 1979 - the very same year Home Depot was founded. Where will we purchase the materials for a new stand? Home Depot. Coincidence?
But why silence the news of Helm’s death? There is only one possible cause: Scientology. The Illuminati. Damn it. It must be… pinko commies. When McCarthyism was at its height, liberal thinkers, like the Band and others, condemned it. But take a look at Joseph McCarthy:
How could a friendly guy like that be wrong? He can’t be. So Communists are out and about, and they are burying the death of a great musician in order to promote their own agenda. They are likely behind the theft of the Cynic as well.
Those are the facts, pure and simple.
UPDATE: Readers have commented that perhaps these events are just college kids being douchebags, stealing things for fun, or doing the normal-if-delinquent things some people are apt to do. Obviously, this is bullshit, and CONSPIRACY IS AFOOT.
When someone takes me seriously
It’s like,
What would YOU do with 3,000 extra papers?
Happy spring everyone!
Looks like it’s time for some spring cleaning here at the Water Tower, and we’ve got quite a few old issues that we’re trying to get rid of. If you have any interest in some old issues of the paper (all from this year) - whether you want that one Halloween issue that you never got to read or you want a few hundred to make a paper mache hippo - send an email to watertowereditor@gmail.com or just drop by the desk in the SGA office! Just make sure to take the old issues (to the left of the desk), not the new ones (on the right).
Or if you’ve got any genius plans for what we should do with them, pass along your ideas!
If they’re not gone by Friday, March 23rd, they’re off to the recycling :-(
Thanks yo! -Ed.
I Want You So Bad
Hey, pretty brunette girl.
I’m normally so outgoing, but I only met you recently so I’m a little shy.
Everybody else around here sees you just as another person, but I see you as so much more.
You’re sweet but so authoritative and I like that.
You seem into me, but you’re so friendly with everyone around here so I can’t be sure.
I would like to take long walks with you. I think it’s one of both of our favorite hobbies.
You have a tattoo that looks kinda like me… I think it’s fate.
Honestly, I love you almost as much as I love dinnertime.
I want to lick your face.
When: almost every day
Where: your work, my play
I saw: a Little (not tiny) person
I am: a shepherd mix
L. Bear
Though you may not care,
I want you back
I want to give your butt a smack,
Then lead you to my bed
Where we can fuck ‘till were dead,
Oh L. Bear
With you my heart I need to share,
I hope you feel the same
so we can stop playing this love game,
So please let me know,
If you dare
I’ll be waiting naked on a chair,
We can Skype again for time to pass
But this I wont rip your picture in half.
When: Every night
Where: In my dreams
I saw: A boy who thinks I’m crazy
I am: A girl who is crazy- crazy about him.
IWYSBaddddddddddddddzzzzzz
I’m looking for two people in this whole state
one has blond hair and is dating a BATES
the other likes to write me dirty poems and tuck me in at night
both of them know that I do like to bite
regardless of that fact, I wouldn’t mind the two of you in the same room with me
who wouldn’t want a to be a group of three?
two is better than one and you both know three is better than two
it’s been awhile since all of us have had nothing to do.
but not being all together really does SUCK
so this weekend let’s not give a fuck
let’s do something super silly and dumb
as long as were together you know it will be fun!
I was thinking we could convince our fourth member to join us here
or maybe we could go see our dear
I know all of us need each other as of late
so screw everyone else and lets go on a four person date.
When: not enough these days
Where: tuppa quattro
I saw: my two besties with one missing
I am: winkwink
I am a true Vermont girl
Raised to be independant-
A feminist of sorts
And I do not favor
Your disrepectful courts.
I was walking to lunch
When I heard you whistle-
Just two notes, high to low,
(Some may call you a wolf)
But they stick like a thistle.
It was for my white lace skirt
But it made me groan-
I wish you could see that
I want you so bad
To leave me alone!
When: last tuesday
Where: infront of the Marketplace
I saw: three boys
I am: annoyed
I was feeling more than a little glad
for i thought i’d written well with my pen
but with myself i have grown a bit mad
as I noticed I messed up on the “when.”
Now, I know I soon need to fix this mess
and pray to all you read this lovely mag
for then, I may still have a chance; unless
you believe my intent is just to brag.
So girl I saw wherever I would turn
and who shares my math class with Kudrle,
I hope that you, when our class next adjourns,
are curious enough to talk to me.
Next time you have math 19, you may find
a shy guy with whom you could share your mind
When: m/w/f
Where: still votey 207
I saw: the same rosie cheeked girl as i saw last semester
I am: a now embarrassed blond guy
Another IWYSB overflow! So much lovin’.
I see you every weekend on the ice
And on campus your butt looks nice
I hope one day you’ll say hi
Maybe at the hockey house when I stop by
Complimenting my posture was a great deed
And I really wanna kiss you, you sexy swede
At the next party I hope I score
Just like you on the ice, Number 24
I hope one day you’ll say hi
Maybe at the hockey house when I stop by
Complimenting my posture was a great deed
And I really wanna kiss you, you sexy swede
At the next party I hope I score
Just like you on the ice, Number 24
When: Every night
Where: Swede Dreams
I saw: An experienced older man
I am: A curious freshman
Where: Swede Dreams
I saw: An experienced older man
I am: A curious freshman
IWYSB!
you walked in with your friend and smiled at me. I was sitting by myself messing with my phone, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. you made eye contact with me over and over, but seemed shy, and didn’t hold my eye. I wish I had come over and talked to you.
When: friday 27th 3:30
Where: Under the glass sculpture DC
I saw: Brunette with beautiful eyes
I am: a brunette guy with too many coats
MURK AVENUE: I FOUND ICE CUBES 'GOOD DAY'
BUT WHAT DID THE LIGHTS ON THE GOODYEAR BLIMP SAY?
CLUE 1:
“went to short dogs house,
they was watching Yo MTV
RAPS”
Yo MTV RAPS first aired:
Aug 6th 1988
CLUE 2:
Ice Cubes single “today was a good day” released on:
Feb 23 1993
CLUE 3:
”The Lakers beat the Super
Sonics”
Dates between Yo MTV Raps air date AUGUST 6 1988 and the release…
I Want You So Bad.
BTW I saw u at the cyber café
I was wondering, should I say hey??
The coffee was good, like, OMG
And you were bangin, only not with me…..
U were texting, some dude I suppose
But what do I care, about bitches and hoes
I’d like to give you some TLC,
All you have to do, is S my D
TXT me l8ter, with a bit of TMI
Cuz you know, I’m totes ur guy
If u be my Lewinski,
I’ll be Mr. President…… BRB
And Show you my Willy Clinton
OMG!
When: 2moro
Where: le cyber cafe
I saw: a fellow txter
I am: ur mang
Dear red head with freckles and a long crooked nose
why do you enchant me right down to my toes?
When I pass you or hear you I look the other way
too shy and embarrassed to even say “hey”.
As a small little girl from your big senior eyes
I try to get noticed as I feed myself lies
for this could never happen, an outgoing man like thee
to look at or care for a shy, running girl like me.
I want you so bad as I stumble through my thoughts
I listen to your voice as my stomach makes knots
But I run in silence accepting your stance
I am just too young for a running romance.
When: too often
Where: running through life
I saw: a dream
I am: nineteen
In a close vote Monday night, the Burlington City Council banned outdoor smoking in downtown areas between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m.
The ban exempts outdoor cafes and private alleys from the no-smoke zone, which is bounded by Winooski Avenue and by Pearl, King and Pine streets.
How has your vacation been? This video sums up mine. WEIRD AL KILLS IT.
